saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
