I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
