i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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