so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
