woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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