I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did you just see the Batmobile???
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
