Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize