At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
