I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
