How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
