i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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