you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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