you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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