there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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