youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
