i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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