It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
