i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize