Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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