I hate all girls vehemently.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is Oprah even human
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
