All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
