really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize