You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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