The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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