im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
