Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize