drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
