I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize