I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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