"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
