I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
