Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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