Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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