After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
