I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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