Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
