plz talk dirty to me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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