...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
