im gay
i know
yea but for you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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