My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
