She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize