I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
