He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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