They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
