i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize