i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
