So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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