I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
