i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
