remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mom said you looked used
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize