I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
