I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
