What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
