Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
