1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
