I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize