Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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