i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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