Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize