so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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