Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize