playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
