grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Barsexuality is the new black.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
