thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
