I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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