it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
