Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
love makes seman taste better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
