weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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