I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize