it wasn't lemon gatorade
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
