apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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