Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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