Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
