i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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