Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
