it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just cropdusted the office
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
