I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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