I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
