I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize