Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
