i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
