dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
