who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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