He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
