Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize