your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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