would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
