He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dick very happy bro
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
