girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
